I'm so fucking centered right now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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