well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i believe in u and ur pee
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
