I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
