my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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