Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
