I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
