I'm lost and stupid without you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
