and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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