I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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