I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
