My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
