I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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