I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
