honey bunches of taint.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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