twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
