That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
