"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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