If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
