Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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