exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
