haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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