alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
