you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
