i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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