Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
