I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Found the puke drawer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
