Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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