White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
