i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
