A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
