Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
