Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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