I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The adults are the big ones right?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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