the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
