break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
