The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
