The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
