i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
