I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
now i know why i became what i already was.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
