32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
