I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
