i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
