we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
