I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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