i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
