I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
