well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to calm my uterus...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
