I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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