Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
