Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
