U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
