I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just want nice things and good sex
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
