before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
