There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
