i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
