He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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